Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
