I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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