I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
