nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
