I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
