i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
