It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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