either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
