Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think I died a long time ago.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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