If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You smell like stripper and shame
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize