i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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