i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
