Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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