Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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