the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
