I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
