There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
