either way he was missing a nipple.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
not ubering you a puppy
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