So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
