ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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