Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
