i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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