Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize