dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize