He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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