ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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