I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
