my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
