I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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