I seem to have left my pride at pride
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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