for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
