the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
