thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
