remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
