my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
