haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
