Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
