EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
