I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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