in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
