From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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