my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
