there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
