My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
