she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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