I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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