i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
