Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
