Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
