I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I think I just sharted jello shots
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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