I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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