You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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