Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
