and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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