We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
