I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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