im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
