Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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