I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
