The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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