Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My balls are so social today.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
