I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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