Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
