Who wears a wallet chain?!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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