I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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