If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
