I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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